Where I Sleep
by legallyblained
Summary: It's the night before Junior Prom, and Kurt had no idea how worried about it Blaine was.


_16:25 Wes: I might be over-stepping, but Blaine's been a little off lately. I know you're excited, but go easy on him this weekend?_

He sounds just like Burt. Everyone's always telling him not to be so excited. It's nonsense. Blaine loves- no, _likes_ (they're not there yet) how enthusiastic he is. Blaine's enthusiastic too. That's why they're such a good couple. He bites his lip. _Couple_. Wow. He tells Wes he's sure they'll be fine, and just as he hits 'send', the doorbell rings.

Kurt opens the door to see a dry-cleaning bag. Blaine pops out from behind it, school satchel and an extra bag in tow, smiling brightly. Kurt squeaks. He knows there's a tux in there. And he knows there's weekend stuff in the other bag. It's Friday night, and he gets Blaine to himself until Sunday, because this is the big weekend. This is prom.

Kurt grabs the hanger and Blaine's hand and starts chattering straight away, about the prom and his kilt, because it's finally ready, and how the girls would all have been totally lost dress-wise without him, and how he's made cookies for tonight's movie marathon, and Blaine's still smiling but Kurt notices he's not joining in like he usually does. He's still in his blazer, even if it is a little rumpled after practise, and he seems cheerful enough, but there are dark circles under his eyes, and his hand feels a little heavier than usual when they're walking up to his room. Kurt asks if he's okay.

"All the better for seeing you."

He grins. Wes was wrong. He's fine. Probably studying too hard. Probably trying to make up for the time he keeps spending here getting very little work done (you know, because of all the kissing and boyfriend-being and everything). Probably.

It's been a month. The word 'boyfriend' still makes them both blush. Kurt likes to think he's gotten pretty intuitive when it comes to Blaine, but he knows he's got a long way to go. When he asked Blaine to prom, he thought he was talking to a confident, well-adjusted boy who'd had a tough time in the past. Now it turns out he was _beaten up_, not just called names and tossed in a dumpster, but actually hospitalized. He's glad Blaine told him, because it can't have been easy and it means he trusts him, but it's set him on edge. What if there's something else he hasn't told him? What if he has some kind of painful flashback next week? What if their outfits clash?

_No, Kurt, this is more important than fashion._

This is a big step for Kurt.

As soon as they get to his bedroom and close the door (even though nobody else is home and Burt doesn't mind Blaine being here and they're not actually going to do much, but they are BOYFRIENDS and they can CLOSE THE DOOR) Kurt hangs up the suit and Blaine drops his bag and they start kissing, and they both think they're getting awfully good at it. Blaine's found out that Kurt makes amazing noises when he kisses his neck, and Kurt knows Blaine loves his hands in his hair, and they're figuring out how to stop their teeth clacking together. Blaine's bitten Kurt's lip by accident and spent the rest of the evening apologising, and three days later Kurt admitted that it felt 'I don't know… kind of… good?' It's tentative and nervous and new, but it's lovely. And now they're going to prom. And Kurt's still determined to get Blaine to transfer to McKinley (_think of the money your parents could save, and think of all the KISSING_), but that can wait now that he knows just how much he needed Dalton.

Their fingers are knotted together and Kurt's sitting on the bed, ready to tug Blaine down with him, when there's a buzz coming from Blaine's pocket.

"Ignore it."

"Kay."

Blaine doesn't need any tugging. He shuffles onto the bed so they're facing each other, legs crossed awkwardly so they're safely in the way. They've had that talk. Neither of them is ready yet. They've thought about it, but they don't need more than kissing. And maybe the occasional squeeze. But Kurt's too focused on Blaine's hair and Blaine doesn't want to try and rip Kurt's clothes off yet because frankly, he's scared of what Kurt might do.

And God, they both love kissing so damn much they don't really care.

Another buzz from Blaine's pocket.

Kurt frowns. Blaine wrinkles his nose apologetically.

"Two seconds?"

"Take a whole minute. I'll go get us something to drink."

He smiles and kisses Blaine on the nose, and Blaine doesn't know why but it makes his stomach flip, and as soon as he's regained his composure Kurt has slid off the bed and out the door. He sits staring for a second before his phone goes again. He groans.

Dad: Please, Blaine. Just 4 our peace of mind. Dad. X

Blaine can't help laughing. He's a very dad-ish texter. But he's been getting these all day. He figures he's got a minute, so he might as well just call him.

"Dad, I know. Yeah. Will you just- I- I will. I promise. I know. Yeah, I'll see you Sunday. Love you too. Bye."

He puffs out a breath. Here it goes.

He wanders down to the kitchen where Kurt's pouring two glasses of juice.

"Kurt?"

Kurt spins around to face him instantly, carton still in his hand. He looks terrified.

"What's wrong? Has something happened? Please don't break up with me."

Kurt's not sure where that came from, and neither is Blaine.

"What? No, Kurt, I'm not going to- why would you think that?"

Kurt lets out a nervous laugh, wrapping his arm around his middle, juice-wielding hand hanging limply at his side.

"Sorry. I don't know. I just- you seemed kind of weird. Tired."

Blaine's lips tighten into a straight line so he doesn't laugh. He walks towards Kurt, takes the juice and sets it on the counter so he can hold his hand instead.

"So you thought I'd just come over to make out with you and dump you?"

"You're right, I know, I'm an idiot."

He wants to say that he has a tendency to assume the worst is going to happen, and as far as he's concerned Blaine not being his boyfriend any more would be nothing short of a disaster. But that would be needy and weird. Instead he squeezes Blaine's hand and kisses him on the cheek, a shy smile creeping back onto his face.

"No you're not. You're amazing." Blaine returns the peck. "Which is why I kind of have to ask you a favour. Or maybe I just have to warn you about something. Can we sit down somewhere? Living room?"

It's exhausting being around Blaine these days. Not because of anything he's doing, but because Kurt's brain automatically twists everything to be about kissing or almost kissing or just being boyfriends. _Living room, huh, Blaine? Don't trust yourself to be alone with me near a bed, huh, Blaine? Because I'm your boyfriend and you just want to make out with me, huh, Blaine?_ He wants to punch his brain in the face.

"Sure," he mumbles, even though they're already halfway there, carrying juice and holding hands, and before he knows it he and Blaine are sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, cross-legged, half a metre between them. It feels like too much, but Kurt reminds himself that this is serious. He takes a sip of his juice. "So, what can I do for you, Mr Anderson?" He wants to cringe because that might have been too cute, but judging by Blaine's smile it's just cute enough.

"Well, Mr Hummel," _oh God it's become a thing we have a thing we're doing a bit oh my God_- "you've probably noticed I'm not looking my best."

"Don't worry, it's nothing a little pampering won't fix- not that you don't look good. You look good, Blaine, I promise-"

Blaine takes both of Kurt's hands.

"Hey. Let me get this out, okay?" Kurt nods eagerly. "Since we went to Breadstix on Monday I haven't been sleeping too well."

"You mean since I asked you to prom? Don't you want to go?"

"Kurt."

"Sorry. But we don't have to go."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but we're going. This is about tonight."

Kurt frowns. He doesn't know why tonight should be a problem. Blaine's slept here before, admittedly not since they've been dating, but why should it be different? Unless he's talking about- no. He wouldn't-

"Kurt?"

"Yes. Sorry."

_Five minutes, brain. Five minutes without thinking about that. It's all I'm asking. If it'll shut you up I'll make out with him again as soon as this is over._

"Well, the thing is, it hadn't happened for months. Almost a year, actually. I don't know if it's because I've been thinking about the Sadie Hawkins thing again- but that doesn't mean it's your fault-"

Kurt can't help being a little pleased that he's not the only one stumbling over his words, but he doesn't like where this is going.

"Blaine?"

"I've been having night terrors again. I didn't want to tell you because I don't want you to think I'm crazy, but I thought I should let you know if I'm sleeping here tonight. So you can be kind of prepared."

"Oh. Why would I think you were crazy? Everybody has nightmares, Blaine. I don't mind calming you down or whatever." _Or holding your hand or kissing you until you fall asleep again or-_

"They're not exactly nightmares. That's why my dad's been texting me all day, trying to get me to warn you. They're kind of like panic attacks, except I'm asleep. It's been waking my parents up all week. Last night they heard me shouting and when my dad came into my room I was opening the window. They stopped me in time, but it can really dangerous."

"So… you were trying to jump out?" Kurt's voice is a whisper. There's this damaged, vulnerable side of Blaine and it's scary how well he hides it.

"No, it's not like that. All I can remember is trying to run. There's just this feeling of needing to get away, but I'm half out of it so I can't really tell what I'm doing. I woke up and Mom and Dad were holding my arms and pushing me back onto the bed, and my throat hurt from yelling and I was sweating and- and Mom was crying-"

Blaine has to take a second to swallow. Even when it first happened, that was always the worst part. He hated what it did to his family.

"We're not going tomorrow night. No way. Why didn't you tell me, Blaine?"

"Because it's weird. It's not like I can just go, 'hey, brand-new-first-ever-boyfriend, I hope you don't mind being on accidental suicide watch for the night because I'm scared of dances', is it? Kurt, will you _stop_ smiling because I said boyfriend? I could really get hurt!" Blaine's smiling too, though.

"Sorry. Well, I don't think you're crazy. I think you're cute."

"It's not cute. You don't know just how sweaty we're talking here. Not good prom date material."

"Which is fine, because we're not going. Not if it's freaking you out this much. A weekend-long sleepover sounds good to me. No chance I'm putting you through all this just to fulfil some selfish fantasy."

Blaine wiggles a little closer, stroking his thumbs over Kurt's knuckles.

"No, Kurt. We're going. I want to go. I need to. I need to stop running."

Kurt gets it. It's why he had to go back to McKinley. It's why he had to talk to Karofsky. He rubs his hand up Blaine's forearm and ducks down to kiss the back of his hand. Blaine's helped him in so many ways; he can't deny him this. He looks up again with a new resolve.

"Well, tell me what to do. Do I just have to dry you off and get you back into bed?"

Blaine looks at their hands.

"Actually, there's a list of stuff - phrases, ways to calm me down. And this really isn't a come-on, but it's probably better if we sleep in the same bed?"

"Um… I assumed we would be anyway? My bed's pretty big, and we don't have a spare mattress. You normally sleep in my bed anyway."

"Well, yeah, but that was before-" he's blushing again. No weird sleeping behaviour could put Kurt off. He really is very pretty.

"Right. Blaine, if you can try your very hardest not to ravish me in your sleep, then you can share my bed with me, so I can save your life like the amazing boyfriend I am."

"I'll try to keep my hands to myself. It's hard having such an amazing boyfriend."

"Poor thing."

Kurt scoots forward to give Blaine a slow, smiley kiss. His brain finally shuts up.

After a discussion, some suspicious nods, a reminder not to rush into anything 'because I like Blaine but it's only been a month and you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do' and a 'Dad, making sure he doesn't get hurt is something I definitely want to do', it's allowed. One look at Blaine's pyjamas and Burt knows he's got nothing to worry about. This kid really isn't expecting anything but a slumber party. There have been face masks, calming smoothies, whale music until they get frustrated that they can't sing along. Kurt's got the what-to-do-if-Blaine-loses-his-shit list on his nightstand. It all seems so silly, but he promises to follow the rules if he has to.

Last time Blaine slept in Kurt's bed, they didn't touch. Well, they didn't touch at first. Kurt laid on his back, stiff as a board, scared of snuggling and whispering sweet nothings in his sleep. He blinked and it was morning, and all he could hear was birds singing and Blaine snuffling into his shoulder, clinging to his arm. He'd allowed himself a brief lean, a second to smell his hair and pretend this was more than it was, before he resumed his position staring at the ceiling.

Now it's different. They are boyfriends. They are allowed to touch and hold each other, but somehow it feels wrong. They aren't in the same bed in a boyfriend capacity. This is all about safety. It's a precaution. You can't cuddle during precautions, can you?

Kurt is strict about the 11pm bedtime. They have a lot to do tomorrow, and if they are going to fit in any making out on top of it, they are going to need a decent night's sleep. They brush their teeth side by side, and when they've been silently scrubbing for a few seconds they catch each other's eye and laugh so hard they almost spit toothpaste everywhere.

"So. I guess that makes it bed time."

"_Sleep_ time," Burt calls from downstairs.

They both giggle nervously, each taking comfort in the fact that the other is getting anxious. They pad down the hall and into Kurt's room. Blaine catches a glimpse of his suit hung up on the door and has to take a deep breath.

"Blaine," Kurt whispers (but he's not sure why), "it's going to be fine. I'm here."

"You've been reading the list."

"Actually those were ad libs. I must be a natural. Come on."

He nods to the bed, then leans in for a kiss when Blaine's not expecting it. He's already turned to climb into bed, so Kurt catches his ear. They both jump a little, giggling again.

"Sorry. I. Um."

After an awkward pause, Blaine puts a hand on Kurt's shoulder and leans up to kiss his cheek. It doesn't seem like quite enough, as they're about to share a bed, so he kisses his lips briefly and smiles.

"I don't know why this is so weird, Blaine."

"You feel like my carer."

"No! Well, yeah. A bit. But I wasn't kidding about needing a full night's beauty sleep."

"Kurt, you could go to prom in your PJs and you'd still be the best-looking one there."

"I meant for you."

Blaine laughs, and the tension fades. Kurt whips the covers back and they both crawl in, suddenly noticing the chill in the air. They take a deep breath, lying down to face each other. They're smiling, nervous and excited and scared even though nothing's going to happen. Nothing sexual, anyway. Blaine might try to jump out of the window. But it's hard to focus on anything so serious when there's a boy in your bed grinning at you and you're pretty sure you're falling in love with him. They're both thinking the same thing.

_Who are you kidding? You've fallen._

"Goodnight, Blaine."

"Goodnight, Kurt."

They kiss again. Their hands find their way to each other. They fall asleep with their fingers linked and their heads brushing together.

The gentle breaths against Kurt's ear have stopped. His hand is empty. He's alone in the bed. He sits bolt upright.

"Blaine?"

He's alone in the room. Shit.

He absent-mindedly picks the list up from the table and shoves his feet into his slippers before stumbling into the hall. He keeps whispering Blaine's name, knowing it's useless, when he hears a bang. He glances downstairs. It's the door bashing into the wall. Blaine's outside.

"Blaine!"

He runs down the stairs two at a time, not bothering to get a jacket. He knows there won't be any cars around at this time, not on his street, but he doesn't want Blaine to get too far.

"Blaine, where are you? Blaine!"

He spots him in the middle of the road, not running anywhere, but clearly not awake. He turns towards Kurt, towards the only source of noise, and he whimpers. It's almost a whine, and he's shaking, from cold or fear or both.

"Blaine, what are you- I mean, um, Blaine, honey? It's me, Kurt, and I'm, uh-" he checks the list of soothing phrases, "I'm here, Blaine. I'm here now, and everything's going to be okay. You're safe, okay? Everything's fine. You're safe. I've got you."

Blaine keeps mumbling to himself, not real words, but he still sounds distraught. All Kurt can make out is 'no'.

"You're safe here, Blaine, I promise." He reaches out tentatively to touch Blaine's arm. "Blaine? It's me. It's Kurt. I love you, and I've got you, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I'll protect you, I swear. I'll look after you. Let's go back to bed."

Blaine breathes harshly through his nose and grabs at the hand Kurt's placed gently on his arm. Gentle is the only way to describe him. He's so calm and his voice is so soft, and it's so comforting and familiar that even in his semi-conscious state Blaine steps forwards and leans into him.

"Kurt?"

Kurt wraps his arms around him, rubbing his back in circles, whispering 'shh' into his ear.

"Yeah, Blaine, it's me. It's Kurt. Can you hear me? Are you awake? I'm going to take you inside now, because it's really cold and I don't want you to get hurt on the road. Is that okay? Do you want to come back to bed?"

"Kurt. I. Mmm. Okay."

Kurt thinks he's awake now. He's not moving out of the road, but he lets go of Kurt's wrist , wrapping his arms around his waist instead. He nuzzles against his chest. Kurt looks down at Blaine's feet, so pale they're almost blue.

"Baby, you don't having anything on your feet, so I'm going to pick you up. Is that alright?"

Under any other circumstances he would be grinning over the fact that he just called Blaine 'baby' for the first time, but his brain has the decency to let him focus for once. Blaine nods against Kurt's chest. He's still shaking. It feels like he's crying. Kurt manoeuvres Blaine's arms up so they're holding onto his neck instead, scooping him up, still talking to him, occasionally kissing his hair, his forehead, his cheek. He shouldn't really be strong enough to do this, but he finds it somewhere inside himself. Blaine needs him. He steps up. That's all there is.

They get inside the house and Kurt nudges the door closed with his hip. He knows he could probably put Blaine down, but he can't bring himself to do it. He might still be asleep. His feet might have gone numb from the cold. It doesn't really matter. Kurt's got a scared, sleepy Blaine in his arms, and he's not putting him down unless it's in bed, where he can wrap him up in a duvet.

"Okay, Blaine, we're back inside now. You're safe. Let's get you warmed up, okay?"

Blaine nods, still clinging to his neck, face buried in Kurt's collarbone.

"Mmm."

Kurt struggles up the stairs again, careful not to knock Blaine's head on the wall. They almost crash into Burt, who heard a commotion and staggered out of his room. He just looks at Kurt for a second, his mouth hanging open. Kurt shrugs, as if to say 'what was I supposed to do?', and Burt nods, before jogging to Kurt's room to open the door for him. Kurt smiles a 'thank you' before laying Blaine down on the bed, tugging the covers over him. Burt can't help but think how like his mother he is. Kurt presses a kiss to Blaine's cheek before he remembers his father is behind him.

Burt doesn't care about the kiss. Of course he doesn't. Instead he whispers,

"Geez, Kurt. Are you okay?"

Kurt shrugs again.

"Yeah. He's back now."

"You did really good just then, okay? I'm proud of you."

He pulls his son into a hug that Kurt doesn't even realise he needs. He squeezes back, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a shaky breath. Burt gives him a firm pat on the back.

"Thanks, Dad. I guess I'd better get an extra blanket for his feet."

"Good idea. You know where I am if you need me."

Kurt nods. He knows if he keeps talking he'll start crying. He smiles at his father to show him he's fine to be left alone again, and Burt obliges. Kurt turns to look at Blaine again. He looks peaceful again, the colour coming back to his tear-stained cheeks. He grabs a towel from a hook on his door and pats gently at Blaine's feet.

"I was kidding about drying you off, idiot."

Blaine rolls over, grumbling something nonsensical and frowning.

"Okay, you're not an idiot. You're safe, Blaine. I'm here."

He hangs the towel up and covers Blaine's feet with an extra blanket before sliding in next to him. Blaine turns again to face him, and his eyes are open.

"They were going to get me."

"It's okay, Blaine."

"You saved me."

Kurt doesn't know what to say. He reaches down to cup Blaine's hands in his own.

"I'll always save you if I can. I never want to see you hurt."

Blaine's tearful again, and Kurt's sure he's awake. Neither knows what to say, but they can't keep to separate sides of the bed anymore. Blaine moves as close as he can, wrapping his arms around Kurt's middle, curving his body into him. Kurt strokes his hair slowly and holds him tight, still whispering the phrases from the list, because even though Blaine's not in danger now, he still means every word.

"I've got you Blaine. I'm not going anywhere."

The next evening, they're all dressed up, and they take a minute in Kurt's room before presenting themselves to the others. His parents are with Burt and Carole; they've come to see them in their outfits and send them off together. They might not completely understand Kurt, but they know Blaine's crazy about him and that's enough for them. The boys ignore the chatter ringing up the stairs.

"Kurt, I know we haven't really talked about last night-"

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I do, though. I want to thank you. I don't remember all of it, but I know I was scared and then you were there and I wasn't. I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"You better be. It was terrifying. If this isn't the best prom ever, I swear-"

"Kurt."

Kurt shrugs a little.

"Sorry. I just- I'm glad I was there. I'm glad I could do something. I promise, if you're ever that lost, I'll always try to find you."

Blaine swallows and nods. He can't cry now, not right before they go out. Maybe later.

"Speaking of the dance, I got us these. I've been hiding them in your refrigerator since yesterday."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out a plastic container with two pink carnations in it.

"Blaine, you didn't have to-"

"Of course I did. I'm a Dalton man."

Kurt grins and sticks his chest out a little. Blaine fumbles with the box and his hands are shaking as he pins the flower to Kurt's lapel. Kurt covers Blaine's hands with his own, stilling them for a moment to kiss Blaine's cheek, lingering for a second. The giddiness from before is still there, but there's something else. There's a calm certainty overshadowing the excitement. Blaine knows that no matter what happens tonight, or any other night, Kurt will be there.

His hands stop shaking, but Kurt's stay with them. He jokes that it's because as much as he likes him, he still can't completely trust anyone else with his clothing. They both know he just likes holding Blaine's hands. Blaine likes it too, so he doesn't argue. Kurt pins Blaine's flower on with ease, tucking the stem away and stroking over the petals.

"They're beautiful."

"You're beautiful."

Kurt takes a deep breath.

"Let's do this."

Blaine doesn't have any night terrors that night.

He ends up wrapped around Kurt all the same.


End file.
